Chapter 16

Having a baby is hard.
Yes, I knew that it`s hard but not as that.
Now sleep, now freetime. I am happy when Roof sleeps, he is so cute when he lyes there in his little bed and snores. But that`s not the reason. I`m happy because I have 5 minutes for myself. Ok ,5 minutes it`s a extreamly short time, but it`s my time.
When you have a baby you see how wonderful your freetime is. You have to enjoy it.
As I said before Sam is a real help for me. Once it`s his turn and than it`s my turn. That`s the positive about a PARTNERship: You can switch responsibility.
And in a partnership there is also a secound thing: Love. And exactly that connects me and Sam. Last night, after Sam had to change Roofs nappy, we told each other that we love us.
Sam said it so serious, I love him.
But after Sam came back from college, I think he went there about the third time in three weeks(lucky boy) ,he was extremly snoby. He told me he had a fight with the real father of Roof, Jason Gerson, my exboyfriend. He ment that everything fits together. At first I didn`t knew what he was talking about. I mean I love him and now he thinks that I am unfaithful.
He said that my ex made me pregnant and dumped me, so I had to look for another boy. And so I found him. But of course I wanted to feel him without a condom and now I just made him belive that it is his child,isn`t that weird??
But all that was enough for me .I started to cry. I gave up my future for him and HIS son and now he wanted to make me feel, that I messed up his live and ruined his future. I love him, but after that I asked myself if he does. Roof is his son and after I stopped a bit to cry I had to proove it. I mean we met at the birthdayparty of my mum that was nearly a year ago and I had a 11 months long pregnancy till 3 weeks, so it has to be his son. But in that moment, I thaught, he was quite happy that there was a chance of not beeing the father of Roof. Even till today I don`t know if he`s glad to be the father.
But as in the beginning love is what connects us and so Sam calmed down and said sorry. In the end of our fight we even kissed, because I think he understood what I ment and I wasn`t angry anymore. It was really nice of him. And what us connects isn`t only love, but also a future, which is a bit messed up.