The night Sam knocked on the bathroom door we had a big misunderstandig. I even wanted to forbid him to see his own son, just because he wanted to come in and talk to me.
I am so ashamed. You see: I thaught that he wanted to come in because he wanted to have a nice look at me. He just said that he has better persons to look at than me and so I concluded that he had a new girlfried to look at. It was so terrible. Sometimes I really have to turn on my brain. But at the other hand he could argue a bit better. In the end he just came to me to tell me that he was scared to be one of the four out of five fathers who loose contact to their chidren after 15 years, isn`t that ironic??Ironic but cute,because he wanted to tell me of his fright. Ironic and horrible because I was really in condition to do that.
Sam red that father stuff in the internet. It was a report by the Prime Minister. Sam wanted to know how this loosing contact things happen. Mum answered that things get hard. At least I`m asking myself if things get hard in our relation too.
Donnerstag, 17. Dezember 2009
chapter 17
I think it`s good that Sam spends some time with his dad, but I think that he lost his mind on the way home. Sam`s father must be an idiot or something like that. Maybe he is from mars!?
How could he leave Roof`s basket on the back seat? Is he crazy? I mean he`s an adult. But I think he got an adult without ever had heard something about responsibility. He could have an accident, and than Roof would just fly out of the car. It doesn`t matter if he had driven slow or not. An accident is something you can`t control. If you have one than you have one. You can be as careful as possible, but when someone breaks into your car than a little baby on the back seat could be dead. Roof could be dead. My little three weeks old son could be dead. Why does that not get into his mind???
A bit later Sam got sick. Poor boy, but Sam sneezed his germs always on "little" Roof.
Not so good. I was worried that Roof could get sick. He is so small and his immune sistem isn`t so strong jet, but mum said that it would be good for him, but I wanted to be on the safe side and offered Sam to sleep in my brother`s room.
But at least he went home. I know that it`s only for a short time, till he gets healthy, but I miss him. It feels like our small family isn`t complete. Every night there lefts something on the other bedside. I can`t explain, but I want him to come back as soon as possible.
How could he leave Roof`s basket on the back seat? Is he crazy? I mean he`s an adult. But I think he got an adult without ever had heard something about responsibility. He could have an accident, and than Roof would just fly out of the car. It doesn`t matter if he had driven slow or not. An accident is something you can`t control. If you have one than you have one. You can be as careful as possible, but when someone breaks into your car than a little baby on the back seat could be dead. Roof could be dead. My little three weeks old son could be dead. Why does that not get into his mind???
A bit later Sam got sick. Poor boy, but Sam sneezed his germs always on "little" Roof.
Not so good. I was worried that Roof could get sick. He is so small and his immune sistem isn`t so strong jet, but mum said that it would be good for him, but I wanted to be on the safe side and offered Sam to sleep in my brother`s room.
But at least he went home. I know that it`s only for a short time, till he gets healthy, but I miss him. It feels like our small family isn`t complete. Every night there lefts something on the other bedside. I can`t explain, but I want him to come back as soon as possible.
Mittwoch, 16. Dezember 2009
Chapter 16
Having a baby is hard.
Yes, I knew that it`s hard but not as that.
Now sleep, now freetime. I am happy when Roof sleeps, he is so cute when he lyes there in his little bed and snores. But that`s not the reason. I`m happy because I have 5 minutes for myself. Ok ,5 minutes it`s a extreamly short time, but it`s my time.
When you have a baby you see how wonderful your freetime is. You have to enjoy it.
As I said before Sam is a real help for me. Once it`s his turn and than it`s my turn. That`s the positive about a PARTNERship: You can switch responsibility.
And in a partnership there is also a secound thing: Love. And exactly that connects me and Sam. Last night, after Sam had to change Roofs nappy, we told each other that we love us.
Sam said it so serious, I love him.
But after Sam came back from college, I think he went there about the third time in three weeks(lucky boy) ,he was extremly snoby. He told me he had a fight with the real father of Roof, Jason Gerson, my exboyfriend. He ment that everything fits together. At first I didn`t knew what he was talking about. I mean I love him and now he thinks that I am unfaithful.
He said that my ex made me pregnant and dumped me, so I had to look for another boy. And so I found him. But of course I wanted to feel him without a condom and now I just made him belive that it is his child,isn`t that weird??
But all that was enough for me .I started to cry. I gave up my future for him and HIS son and now he wanted to make me feel, that I messed up his live and ruined his future. I love him, but after that I asked myself if he does. Roof is his son and after I stopped a bit to cry I had to proove it. I mean we met at the birthdayparty of my mum that was nearly a year ago and I had a 11 months long pregnancy till 3 weeks, so it has to be his son. But in that moment, I thaught, he was quite happy that there was a chance of not beeing the father of Roof. Even till today I don`t know if he`s glad to be the father.
But as in the beginning love is what connects us and so Sam calmed down and said sorry. In the end of our fight we even kissed, because I think he understood what I ment and I wasn`t angry anymore. It was really nice of him. And what us connects isn`t only love, but also a future, which is a bit messed up.
Yes, I knew that it`s hard but not as that.
Now sleep, now freetime. I am happy when Roof sleeps, he is so cute when he lyes there in his little bed and snores. But that`s not the reason. I`m happy because I have 5 minutes for myself. Ok ,5 minutes it`s a extreamly short time, but it`s my time.
When you have a baby you see how wonderful your freetime is. You have to enjoy it.
As I said before Sam is a real help for me. Once it`s his turn and than it`s my turn. That`s the positive about a PARTNERship: You can switch responsibility.
And in a partnership there is also a secound thing: Love. And exactly that connects me and Sam. Last night, after Sam had to change Roofs nappy, we told each other that we love us.
Sam said it so serious, I love him.
But after Sam came back from college, I think he went there about the third time in three weeks(lucky boy) ,he was extremly snoby. He told me he had a fight with the real father of Roof, Jason Gerson, my exboyfriend. He ment that everything fits together. At first I didn`t knew what he was talking about. I mean I love him and now he thinks that I am unfaithful.
He said that my ex made me pregnant and dumped me, so I had to look for another boy. And so I found him. But of course I wanted to feel him without a condom and now I just made him belive that it is his child,isn`t that weird??
But all that was enough for me .I started to cry. I gave up my future for him and HIS son and now he wanted to make me feel, that I messed up his live and ruined his future. I love him, but after that I asked myself if he does. Roof is his son and after I stopped a bit to cry I had to proove it. I mean we met at the birthdayparty of my mum that was nearly a year ago and I had a 11 months long pregnancy till 3 weeks, so it has to be his son. But in that moment, I thaught, he was quite happy that there was a chance of not beeing the father of Roof. Even till today I don`t know if he`s glad to be the father.
But as in the beginning love is what connects us and so Sam calmed down and said sorry. In the end of our fight we even kissed, because I think he understood what I ment and I wasn`t angry anymore. It was really nice of him. And what us connects isn`t only love, but also a future, which is a bit messed up.
chapter 15
Now Sam moved into my room. I`m glad that I`m not alone with the baby.
I think Sam will be a big help for me. I donno if another boy would be so nice like Sam.
Well, at the moment I`m spending my time with feeding roof. It`s relaxing.
Especially when I came back from hospital. I remember that Sam`s mum, my mum, Sam and even Mark whatched me feeding my little cute son. But after some time I just wanted to be alone with my little family. My mum missunderstood it because I said that I wanted to get all those out, who don`t live here. I belive that my mum is still thinking that I`m part of her family. Ok, I mean I`m her daughter. But now I have my own family. My own cute little family and I really have to say that I love this kind of family. But I can understand her. It is difficult at least because she got grandma very fast.
I think Sam will be a big help for me. I donno if another boy would be so nice like Sam.
Well, at the moment I`m spending my time with feeding roof. It`s relaxing.
Especially when I came back from hospital. I remember that Sam`s mum, my mum, Sam and even Mark whatched me feeding my little cute son. But after some time I just wanted to be alone with my little family. My mum missunderstood it because I said that I wanted to get all those out, who don`t live here. I belive that my mum is still thinking that I`m part of her family. Ok, I mean I`m her daughter. But now I have my own family. My own cute little family and I really have to say that I love this kind of family. But I can understand her. It is difficult at least because she got grandma very fast.
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