The night Sam knocked on the bathroom door we had a big misunderstandig. I even wanted to forbid him to see his own son, just because he wanted to come in and talk to me.
I am so ashamed. You see: I thaught that he wanted to come in because he wanted to have a nice look at me. He just said that he has better persons to look at than me and so I concluded that he had a new girlfried to look at. It was so terrible. Sometimes I really have to turn on my brain. But at the other hand he could argue a bit better. In the end he just came to me to tell me that he was scared to be one of the four out of five fathers who loose contact to their chidren after 15 years, isn`t that ironic??Ironic but cute,because he wanted to tell me of his fright. Ironic and horrible because I was really in condition to do that.
Sam red that father stuff in the internet. It was a report by the Prime Minister. Sam wanted to know how this loosing contact things happen. Mum answered that things get hard. At least I`m asking myself if things get hard in our relation too.
Donnerstag, 17. Dezember 2009
chapter 17
I think it`s good that Sam spends some time with his dad, but I think that he lost his mind on the way home. Sam`s father must be an idiot or something like that. Maybe he is from mars!?
How could he leave Roof`s basket on the back seat? Is he crazy? I mean he`s an adult. But I think he got an adult without ever had heard something about responsibility. He could have an accident, and than Roof would just fly out of the car. It doesn`t matter if he had driven slow or not. An accident is something you can`t control. If you have one than you have one. You can be as careful as possible, but when someone breaks into your car than a little baby on the back seat could be dead. Roof could be dead. My little three weeks old son could be dead. Why does that not get into his mind???
A bit later Sam got sick. Poor boy, but Sam sneezed his germs always on "little" Roof.
Not so good. I was worried that Roof could get sick. He is so small and his immune sistem isn`t so strong jet, but mum said that it would be good for him, but I wanted to be on the safe side and offered Sam to sleep in my brother`s room.
But at least he went home. I know that it`s only for a short time, till he gets healthy, but I miss him. It feels like our small family isn`t complete. Every night there lefts something on the other bedside. I can`t explain, but I want him to come back as soon as possible.
How could he leave Roof`s basket on the back seat? Is he crazy? I mean he`s an adult. But I think he got an adult without ever had heard something about responsibility. He could have an accident, and than Roof would just fly out of the car. It doesn`t matter if he had driven slow or not. An accident is something you can`t control. If you have one than you have one. You can be as careful as possible, but when someone breaks into your car than a little baby on the back seat could be dead. Roof could be dead. My little three weeks old son could be dead. Why does that not get into his mind???
A bit later Sam got sick. Poor boy, but Sam sneezed his germs always on "little" Roof.
Not so good. I was worried that Roof could get sick. He is so small and his immune sistem isn`t so strong jet, but mum said that it would be good for him, but I wanted to be on the safe side and offered Sam to sleep in my brother`s room.
But at least he went home. I know that it`s only for a short time, till he gets healthy, but I miss him. It feels like our small family isn`t complete. Every night there lefts something on the other bedside. I can`t explain, but I want him to come back as soon as possible.
Mittwoch, 16. Dezember 2009
Chapter 16
Having a baby is hard.
Yes, I knew that it`s hard but not as that.
Now sleep, now freetime. I am happy when Roof sleeps, he is so cute when he lyes there in his little bed and snores. But that`s not the reason. I`m happy because I have 5 minutes for myself. Ok ,5 minutes it`s a extreamly short time, but it`s my time.
When you have a baby you see how wonderful your freetime is. You have to enjoy it.
As I said before Sam is a real help for me. Once it`s his turn and than it`s my turn. That`s the positive about a PARTNERship: You can switch responsibility.
And in a partnership there is also a secound thing: Love. And exactly that connects me and Sam. Last night, after Sam had to change Roofs nappy, we told each other that we love us.
Sam said it so serious, I love him.
But after Sam came back from college, I think he went there about the third time in three weeks(lucky boy) ,he was extremly snoby. He told me he had a fight with the real father of Roof, Jason Gerson, my exboyfriend. He ment that everything fits together. At first I didn`t knew what he was talking about. I mean I love him and now he thinks that I am unfaithful.
He said that my ex made me pregnant and dumped me, so I had to look for another boy. And so I found him. But of course I wanted to feel him without a condom and now I just made him belive that it is his child,isn`t that weird??
But all that was enough for me .I started to cry. I gave up my future for him and HIS son and now he wanted to make me feel, that I messed up his live and ruined his future. I love him, but after that I asked myself if he does. Roof is his son and after I stopped a bit to cry I had to proove it. I mean we met at the birthdayparty of my mum that was nearly a year ago and I had a 11 months long pregnancy till 3 weeks, so it has to be his son. But in that moment, I thaught, he was quite happy that there was a chance of not beeing the father of Roof. Even till today I don`t know if he`s glad to be the father.
But as in the beginning love is what connects us and so Sam calmed down and said sorry. In the end of our fight we even kissed, because I think he understood what I ment and I wasn`t angry anymore. It was really nice of him. And what us connects isn`t only love, but also a future, which is a bit messed up.
Yes, I knew that it`s hard but not as that.
Now sleep, now freetime. I am happy when Roof sleeps, he is so cute when he lyes there in his little bed and snores. But that`s not the reason. I`m happy because I have 5 minutes for myself. Ok ,5 minutes it`s a extreamly short time, but it`s my time.
When you have a baby you see how wonderful your freetime is. You have to enjoy it.
As I said before Sam is a real help for me. Once it`s his turn and than it`s my turn. That`s the positive about a PARTNERship: You can switch responsibility.
And in a partnership there is also a secound thing: Love. And exactly that connects me and Sam. Last night, after Sam had to change Roofs nappy, we told each other that we love us.
Sam said it so serious, I love him.
But after Sam came back from college, I think he went there about the third time in three weeks(lucky boy) ,he was extremly snoby. He told me he had a fight with the real father of Roof, Jason Gerson, my exboyfriend. He ment that everything fits together. At first I didn`t knew what he was talking about. I mean I love him and now he thinks that I am unfaithful.
He said that my ex made me pregnant and dumped me, so I had to look for another boy. And so I found him. But of course I wanted to feel him without a condom and now I just made him belive that it is his child,isn`t that weird??
But all that was enough for me .I started to cry. I gave up my future for him and HIS son and now he wanted to make me feel, that I messed up his live and ruined his future. I love him, but after that I asked myself if he does. Roof is his son and after I stopped a bit to cry I had to proove it. I mean we met at the birthdayparty of my mum that was nearly a year ago and I had a 11 months long pregnancy till 3 weeks, so it has to be his son. But in that moment, I thaught, he was quite happy that there was a chance of not beeing the father of Roof. Even till today I don`t know if he`s glad to be the father.
But as in the beginning love is what connects us and so Sam calmed down and said sorry. In the end of our fight we even kissed, because I think he understood what I ment and I wasn`t angry anymore. It was really nice of him. And what us connects isn`t only love, but also a future, which is a bit messed up.
chapter 15
Now Sam moved into my room. I`m glad that I`m not alone with the baby.
I think Sam will be a big help for me. I donno if another boy would be so nice like Sam.
Well, at the moment I`m spending my time with feeding roof. It`s relaxing.
Especially when I came back from hospital. I remember that Sam`s mum, my mum, Sam and even Mark whatched me feeding my little cute son. But after some time I just wanted to be alone with my little family. My mum missunderstood it because I said that I wanted to get all those out, who don`t live here. I belive that my mum is still thinking that I`m part of her family. Ok, I mean I`m her daughter. But now I have my own family. My own cute little family and I really have to say that I love this kind of family. But I can understand her. It is difficult at least because she got grandma very fast.
I think Sam will be a big help for me. I donno if another boy would be so nice like Sam.
Well, at the moment I`m spending my time with feeding roof. It`s relaxing.
Especially when I came back from hospital. I remember that Sam`s mum, my mum, Sam and even Mark whatched me feeding my little cute son. But after some time I just wanted to be alone with my little family. My mum missunderstood it because I said that I wanted to get all those out, who don`t live here. I belive that my mum is still thinking that I`m part of her family. Ok, I mean I`m her daughter. But now I have my own family. My own cute little family and I really have to say that I love this kind of family. But I can understand her. It is difficult at least because she got grandma very fast.
Donnerstag, 26. November 2009
Chapter 14 Roof is born
I`m so glad that everything went good.
Now Roof is born and the pregnancy is over. I am so happy. No more flushing my crazy meals down the loo.Finally.
I am also happy that Sam went to my house or the toilet, you know.
Saying the truth I thaught he won`t come. I thaught he is afraight or frightend to see me nacked and having contractions , but I am proud of him that he came. I donno if I would manage that in his situation. I couldn`t escape the baby was just inside of me.
The contractions were really hard for me. It was like the whole pain I ever had flushed over me.
But as I can see it it was hard for Sam to count the the time. What an idiot, but I can understand him .He was just a confused idiot. It isn`t easy to see an nacked, sqeezing woman shouting like an animal. As my mum took us too the hospital the contractions went on. In the hospital I sleept a bit. I stood up and just started calling names to everybody in that damin room. The pain was just to extreme: every secound a contraction and so on...
I got really shocked when the baby got stuck. But after the painfull stuck everything went good. It was a good feeling to be a mother and I was proud of myself that I managed it.
As I looked at my little cute son I was amaized. He was the sweetest boy I `ve ever seen. I just wanted to hold him in my arms for ever. It was a beautiful feeling to be a mother. But as I wanted to say his name I noticed that he hadn`t had one. So I searched for one. Suddenly I realized that kind of slow piano music in the backround. It was from the CD my mother made for us. It had to be relaxing and it worked.
I asked my mum for the name of the singer: He was called Rufus. A brilliant name.
I thought that it`s perfect for my son. Sam is calling him Roof, I donno where he got this from but it`s sweet, isn`t it.Well the secound name will be an argument.
Now Roof is born and the pregnancy is over. I am so happy. No more flushing my crazy meals down the loo.Finally.
I am also happy that Sam went to my house or the toilet, you know.
Saying the truth I thaught he won`t come. I thaught he is afraight or frightend to see me nacked and having contractions , but I am proud of him that he came. I donno if I would manage that in his situation. I couldn`t escape the baby was just inside of me.
The contractions were really hard for me. It was like the whole pain I ever had flushed over me.
But as I can see it it was hard for Sam to count the the time. What an idiot, but I can understand him .He was just a confused idiot. It isn`t easy to see an nacked, sqeezing woman shouting like an animal. As my mum took us too the hospital the contractions went on. In the hospital I sleept a bit. I stood up and just started calling names to everybody in that damin room. The pain was just to extreme: every secound a contraction and so on...
I got really shocked when the baby got stuck. But after the painfull stuck everything went good. It was a good feeling to be a mother and I was proud of myself that I managed it.
As I looked at my little cute son I was amaized. He was the sweetest boy I `ve ever seen. I just wanted to hold him in my arms for ever. It was a beautiful feeling to be a mother. But as I wanted to say his name I noticed that he hadn`t had one. So I searched for one. Suddenly I realized that kind of slow piano music in the backround. It was from the CD my mother made for us. It had to be relaxing and it worked.
I asked my mum for the name of the singer: He was called Rufus. A brilliant name.
I thought that it`s perfect for my son. Sam is calling him Roof, I donno where he got this from but it`s sweet, isn`t it.Well the secound name will be an argument.
Chapter 13
We got our exams back Sam`s ones were good.
My exams were not really the best, but that doesn`t matter now.
Sam and I, we decided that I will leave school after the baby is born. The baby, yes it sounds stupid but we haven`t got a name jet, so we have to hurry up....What I wanted to say is that I will concentrate on my job as a mother and I want to do that as good as possible.
We as the parents of the young child want to do the best for it and in my opinion the best is a mother that takes care of her baby 24 hours a day.
Last night I thaught about my mum and Sam`s.
I mean my mum is 50 years old and Sam`s is about 35 and she is pregnant too.Isn`t that weird???
I really want to know if they will be friends .I mean my child is only 4 months older.
My exams were not really the best, but that doesn`t matter now.
Sam and I, we decided that I will leave school after the baby is born. The baby, yes it sounds stupid but we haven`t got a name jet, so we have to hurry up....What I wanted to say is that I will concentrate on my job as a mother and I want to do that as good as possible.
We as the parents of the young child want to do the best for it and in my opinion the best is a mother that takes care of her baby 24 hours a day.
Last night I thaught about my mum and Sam`s.
I mean my mum is 50 years old and Sam`s is about 35 and she is pregnant too.Isn`t that weird???
I really want to know if they will be friends .I mean my child is only 4 months older.
Sonntag, 8. November 2009
chater 11 my feelings
Everything changing in good??
It´s going to be more familiarly.
Sam and Alicia`s parents are on firstname terms.
But as I see it it`s weirnd of Andrea for asking them where Sam will live when the baby is there, when she makes him feel like he`s not welcome. I mean this theory is the most realistic of all.
To tell the pregnancy secret Sam`s mum is unfair because Sam hasn`t the chance explain it himself. She is a bit freaky, I think so.
But hadn`t thaught that sams mum advise her son to stay at home and do not help Alicia by night and the whole time,because she was like Alicia too. A young mother wanting as much help as possible.
But Ican understand her because she wants to save her son and do the best out of the situation.
ALICIAS FEELINGS
I`m happy that Sam`s mum accepts the situation, but I think it was easier for her than for my parents. I mean she has bin in this situation already when she got pregnant with Sam.
I`m happy that she didn`t do an abortion. I think Sam is the best that ever happened to her and I hope my child will be so like her son Sam.
I love him so much and I know that we`ll spend a great time together in my room, when the baby has been born.
It´s going to be more familiarly.
Sam and Alicia`s parents are on firstname terms.
But as I see it it`s weirnd of Andrea for asking them where Sam will live when the baby is there, when she makes him feel like he`s not welcome. I mean this theory is the most realistic of all.
To tell the pregnancy secret Sam`s mum is unfair because Sam hasn`t the chance explain it himself. She is a bit freaky, I think so.
But hadn`t thaught that sams mum advise her son to stay at home and do not help Alicia by night and the whole time,because she was like Alicia too. A young mother wanting as much help as possible.
But Ican understand her because she wants to save her son and do the best out of the situation.
ALICIAS FEELINGS
I`m happy that Sam`s mum accepts the situation, but I think it was easier for her than for my parents. I mean she has bin in this situation already when she got pregnant with Sam.
I`m happy that she didn`t do an abortion. I think Sam is the best that ever happened to her and I hope my child will be so like her son Sam.
I love him so much and I know that we`ll spend a great time together in my room, when the baby has been born.
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